thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
