The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
