In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
