Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
