I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
