I looked at my own cervix.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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