Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
