Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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