party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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