so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
