I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
