I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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