i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
