I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
