He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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