When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
