remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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