Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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