i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
