I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
