You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
