If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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