yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize