You're so nebulous sometimes
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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