this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
