But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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