there was a trapeze. enough said
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
