Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
