Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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