No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
