I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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