Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
