She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
