He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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