It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
