Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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