I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
