So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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