i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
