My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
