I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize