just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
