felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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