I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
