Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
