I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
