my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
