I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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