i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
