You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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