i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
