If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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