She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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