i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
