Your face is a jimmy john
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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