just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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