I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
