wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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