Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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