I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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