Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
