He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
