I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
