I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
