I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
