There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
