i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
