it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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