Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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