Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
