oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize